.Ramblings of ayunie.

My new year resolutions for the year 2007

1. Make more friends than aquaintences.

2. Learn how to spell 'aquaintences'.

3. Finish the elemental story Nina and I have been working on the past 5 years.

4. Make more international friends.

5. Get a job.

6. Learn how to draw real-life people from just my imagination.

7. Find out the meaning behind all my wierd dreams that keep recurring.

8. Lose weight. (Or at least, stay healthy)

9. Gain enough self confidence to talk in front of an audience.

10. Get good grades in school.

11. (I think this may never happen this year) Get people to like you for who you are.

So that's it for my resolutions for 2007. Very little, but I'm too sleepy to think up of any more. Maybe next time. And maybe I should try to get myself a boyfriend/girlfriend? Or should I stick to having tons of people as aquaintences to fill up that so-called gap of loneliness in me? It's a half-resolution for this year.

Ah well. Hopefully I get to fulfill most of my resolutions.

Hopefully.

~yunyun~

Sunday, December 31, 2006

I had a dream. It has nothing to do with me apparently, but I dreamed it anyways.

A blue mosque. It had nice- no, beautiful- architecture; and I remember a lot of people were there. Strangely, not many of them looked muslim. They were prolly there just to see the design of the blue mosque.

A man, sitting cross-legged leaning against one of the pillars. He isn't muslim; he was sitting outside the prayer hall, where most of the muslims are doing their prayer. He looked sad and withdrawn. And his eyes are closed.

Another man came and tapped him on the shoulder. The non-muslim jumped, and turned toward the man. He was someone who helps out at the mosque, I think.

That man told the non-muslim: 'Go inside.' He meant inside the the prayer section, where all the muslims are currently praying.

'I'm not muslim.' The non-muslim stated.

'What are you?'

"Christian.'

He said; 'It's okay. Go on in.'

And then the christian went in and sat down again, this time with the believers of Islam and he had his quiet time; and he had tears in his eyes and I think even he couldn't explain why he's crying. And I somehow knew; that something sad had happened to him and he couldn't find any other place of solice where he was residing.

Where? I have no idea.

Yet this dream made me think. It was an unusual dream; hardly like any I've had before. You friends who have read and seen my other blogs would know that. This dream made me realise that even the smallest efforts help create peace and joy. Remember the free hugs campaign? Yes; something like that.

Well this time my dream showed another example. The mosque official's simple gesture of letting a complete stranger with a totally different faith use his house of worship as his own.

Many people; with different faiths no less, also think that peace and joy are to be found in the smallest efforts we make to reach out to others. So there is no figuring out how we of different religons point in the same direction, yet manage to keep apart most of the time.

The mosque official's gesture is very simple; yet it seemed to withold meaning. While too many of us stay focused on the barriers that separate us; he moved them aside so effortlessly just by saying to the Christian: 'It's okay. Go on in.'

Happy Raya Haji to everyone. And welcome to my new blog. =3

~yunyun~

Saturday, December 30, 2006

People are probably more afraid of being forgotten than being dead. To show their existence, that's why everyone tries so hard.

And when they feel forgotten; what other way to end it all than death?

Oh and I think Hafiz is HAWT. rawwr.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Damn. I got a huge headache. owchie. My head's bursting. And I cant move a lot. It makes me feel like crying.

...

I might have been thinking too much, or maybe I was exerting myself with drawing, or the thunder and lightning was too loud, or maybe it was even the wierd salad my sis made just now. But what's bothering me now isn't this fucking headache.

It's this hollow feeling I'm getting. I don't know what, I don't know why; but it hurts. And it makes me feel like crying too.

...

Damn. I can't cry. I can't even force myself to cry. The most I'll get is sniffles and such. No tears. Total dryness.

Maybe I'm lonely. I don't know. Just now when I was in my room drawing like I usually do; I was suddely hit with this realisation: nobody ever calls me anymore. Nor do I bother calling them.

A lot has changed. Other than the occasional greetings I get on my phone, nothing else happens. I'd probably blame it on the holidays and everyone is out overseas or stuff like that, but it's getting lonesome. You may have lots of friends who you know but aren't that close to; and if you lose them what are you left with? Probably nothing.

I think that's my worst fear. Nothing. To have nothing left.

Thank goodness I still have Nina and Eisha, but Eisha is in another poly that's light years away and Nina is being taken away from me slowly but surely.

Like seriously, I was an empath, and I have felt it many times before when I brush against people in past experiences; and I know now that this thing is fairly common. It's a part of life that comes and goes and it's up to you to choose which is preferred.

I have seen lives either crumble or flourish just because of these choices and I HATE it now because it is happening to me. RIGHT NOW. It's horrible; and I'm wondering why does this happen? To so many people? And why must it happen to me as well?

I am thinking. Should I let her go and leave her clueless about what's happening to her and myself; or should I just tell her everything and hope that she and I could go through this together? Because I have been flipping through my dreambook recently, and I realise I must act and tell her soon because the signs are getting more and more obvious and true.

Oh and if you think that I am not making any sense in this entry, then I don't care. This is how I REALLY write in my private journal, and I don't really want to switch to my stupid 'oh-im-so-happy-and-random-i-make-me-fuckin-sick' attitude that you all know me for.

Oh and one more thing: I am discontinuing my other blog. It's just too troublesome to write on both at the same time. Even though my other blog is the one i usually update, I think I shall continue updating here.

And stop reading my updates if you think you don't understand a thing that I wrote on this entry. Because from now on everything shall be written in this way.

well, unless I feel high on chocolate or something like that. ^_^

So now I got to get to sleep, because my head hurts.

Monday, December 18, 2006

It was only a dream, but it bugged me too much and I couldn't stop thinking about it ever since I dreamt it.

I was holding a pencil case with a red ribbon tied around it. It had nice patterns around it and I liked the pink of the case. It was supposed to be given to me by Nina. I opened the case, and suddenly I was in a room full of people and computers.

It was full of computers and people but the only person I remember is Nina. And myself. She was sitting in the front row near where everybody else is but she has this... look on her face. I couldn't tell what look it was; because somebody was shouting my name.

It was a boy, and he was at the back of the room shouting real loud.

I remember thinking of him as a nuisance, and then Nina attacked me. She was screaming and her face was pure anger and she clawed at me. The pencil box I was holding flew up and then I couldn't remember anything else that happened after that.

Why am I saying all this? Because just now after Jam and Hop at school(which was bloody fun, by the way) I was telling Nin about my dream and then someone whispered in my ear.

Okay scratch that. It wasn't someone, it was something. I almost freaked but I just said out what the voice said out loud. "Kairin."

I don't know why, but the word made Nin freeze and (since she was already holding my hand before that) she squeezed my hand a little bit harder. I somehow knew that this kairin thing was the boy in my dream. Dun ask me why, I just knew.

It made me wonder who the hell this Kairin is and how come Nina knew him and I don't. Because usually Nina and I would talk on the phone and we would talk for hours about our lives and our friends in it, whether it has anything to do with the other person or not. Hahaks. I'm babbling again.

I'm just kinda worried. Is she keeping something from me?

~sad~

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Well well well.

Good morning world!!

I found this on my fren Daryll's blog, so I wanted to try it out. The only problem is; I got too many split personalities and all of them respond to different names. Haiz.

I guess I'll try all 5 of them?

A-Damn good kisser.
B- Good all round person.
C- You're wild & crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E-You have a nice ass
F- People totally adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You get hyper easily.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things.
L- You live to have fun.
M- Success comes easily to you.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.
O- You're an awesome person.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Sexy!
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You're loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
Z- You're a little too hard to find.

A- A damn good kisser.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
U- You really like to chill.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.

K- You like to try new things.
A- A damn good kisser.
I- You get hyper easily.

K- You like to try new things.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
A- A damn good kisser.
I- You get hyper easily.
R- Sexy!
U- You really like to chill.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.

N- You are absolutely beautiful.
I- You get hyper easily.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
A- A damn good kisser.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.

F- People totally adore you.
R- Sexy!
O- You're an awesome person.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- You're one of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ever ask for.

Yeeeeeap. Here's a pic of all five of me. Sorry for the sucky image quality, I dun care about fixing it.