This is AYUN
Her organiser's over here.
And her art over here.
This blog is not about GORE. It is about the finer points of life and how much we can live it by enjoying it to the fullest...
NOT!
This is GOHR-blog. Nothing will make sense here now...I think.
there's this irritating insect that keeps flying around my head.
It won't go away.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
It's that time of the month.
Final submission week.
I am dead la. All due today. everything. Die.
I'm gonna break down sooner or later.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
hey.
Why don't you make the first move this time.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Oh wow.
Congratulations dude, now I can't sleep at all tonight.
Thanks for making me guilty for everything.
On another note:
I don't want to fail italian. But it's just so hard to memorise anything. I may need help.
And I feel pathetic. Breathing exercises? So that I won't cough so much anymore. right.
Audio journal. I have to start on those too.
Monday, January 21, 2008
I DO give a damn.
But what should I do?
I miss you.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Mama suspects something. But she's approaching me wrongly.
There's no way you should threaten your daughter like that maaaa. Of course she'll freak out and back away. X_X
I really wish everything would work out okay.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The days seem to be getting slower every day.
It's like everybody is getting on with their lives. And I just stand and watch waiting for something to happen.
Or not.
I'm really scared right now. Sigh. There's a lot of internal conflict happening inside myself.
Sometimes I think I talk too much. Other times I think I talk too little. The rest of the time I would whack myself in the head for not talking at all. Or for talking too much in my head. Augh whatever la ayuun.
Dear ayun,
You never bothered. You never tried. One day you might regret that you didn't do anything at all.
Regret. Something you should learn to overcome.
You've got a fear too. Didn't you know? And you're super scared right now. Scared witless.
If life is a test; are you failing it yet?
Am you even going to survive the rest of this test?
Oh. Inner turmoil. I think I almost lost it for a bit today. I just stoned for 2 whole hours doing absolutely nothing. Just sitting down not even thinking of anything at all.
I remember I used to do that a lot back in secondary school. Couldn't remember why then, can't remember why I still do that now.
Absolutely nothing. That was what I was thinking about for 2 hours.
Like wow. Is this meditation? Hahah.
Hello there. My name is Froggy, or Khairun, or Ayun, or Yunie. Call me anything you want. I don't care, as long as I know that it's me being called.
I'm a fickle-minded, hypocritical, scared and bored individual who doesn't know what to do with her messed up life. Her future is bleak, and she wishes for something interesting to happen at least once within this year. It IS her final year in TP anyway.
She hated Primary school, hated Secondary school, and yet she loves Temasek Poly. Her favourite school.
I want something good to happen la please.
Oh shit I lost my glasses. Damnit.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Mama's okay ^^
Operation is scheduled at a later time if things ever get worse. So for the time being she'll be home.
Yayy.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
What is the date today? I forget.
My right eye keeps drying up too.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
THANK YOU YUMI PONG FOR LENDING ME YOUR HARD DRIVE.
YOU ARE AN ANGEL. I LOVE YOU.
Now I can play games on my mac. Wheee. And I got photoshop! And Painter! Paainter!!
Yessah.
Oh yes tomorrow is mama's checkup. After the xray and the checks and once the docs are sure she's okay she'll get the operation. I'm praying for her health.
Get well soon mama.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I have learnt a valuable lesson today.
Do not smile at dogs. Even if it was on a leash and the owner is a happy young girl with a big smile.
I got chased around my block la.
IT WAS SCARY.
:'(
Friday, January 18, 2008
Well, today was the first time in a looong time.
A very long time.
I managed to catch up to a lot of things I guess.
Quite a lot. hahah.
I forgot what I wanted to talk about. He's bugging me again.
What the hell is wrong with using the bed??? I can't use my laptop on the bed anymore issit?!
Is it wrong?
Until you have to threaten me saying that you'd break the table? Just cos u want me to use the table instead of the bed which does absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Sheesh.
And also; I COUGH. I get it. It's not that irritating isn't it?! It's ust a cough!!!
Sigh.
Today was peaceful. I didn't do anything; just whiled my time away waiting for things to happen.
I'm broke.
And I miss hafiz. Eleven months dude. one one.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I failed my Italian test. Wonderful innit.
4 out of 10.
Even after studying.
Like what da hell man.
I remember my mind going blank when I got the questions. Study study study; all for nought.
I should try harder. I will try harder.
Just watch me.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I'm kinda confused.
Disoriented.
Maybe I'm perpetually stupid.
Or just inferior.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I reached home at 1030pm today. My headache is still the same.
Mama was already asleep when I reached. Didn't get to give her the present.
Abah was lecturing me over absolutely nothing as usual. I ignored him and went to clear up the kitchen.
My left eye won't stop hurting. I should change contacts soon.
Nina owes me. I owe Nina. I don't really give a damn about owing anymore.
Class on thursday. Til night.
headache back again. aduh.
swollen left hand. it itches.
I hate being emo. It gives such a headache. Nina suggested I do what I always did back in secondary school. But it left scars and I remember promising myself to never do that again.
It might help though. Gosh I'm wavering.
But I'm scared.
Aaah fuck up frog. You probably have done enough damage in this lifetime.
Stop scratching your hand its getting worse.
I'd like to give my thanks to the little kitty living under my block for cheering me up. Thanks for looking like you know something is wrong. Putting your little paw on my lap and looking up at me meowing with that sad look is so adorable. You cheered me up lots.
I miss .
Ahh shuddup lah froggy.
Monday, January 14, 2008
you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
wherever you go
Monday, January 14, 2008
Mama is seriously sick.
She's fallen asleep once's everyone left.
Hope she's okay.
Something's up with Abah.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The whole family, extended and close relatives are over at my house.
After ngaji classes in the morning I immediately started cooking dinner. Mama got sick again Naq and Kak Dil ran away to Mcdonalds' to 'study' so i got stuck cooking at home.
Menu for today:
Nasi briyani
Briyani ikan
Ayam masak merah
Dhal
Ikan goreng
Yeah. Finished in time, people came I served them.
Kak tun got lost near masjid sultan. so she ended up returning home late so i was stuck serving all these people non stop.
and now i am exhausted, and yet another problem pops up. Something I really worry about.
I don't know what to think anymore.
My aunt invited me to work for her after I graduate. As an art teacher for little children.
In Aceh. For a few years. I don't think I can take all that responsibility just yet. Hahah.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Okay talk to me now. =D
Been hectic and crazy all day today.
Don't feel like blogging about it though. hahah!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
please don't talk to me.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I just woke up. Everybody at home awoke to the noise.
I'm worried for mama. She's been looking worser and worser every time I reach home. I just finished putting the koyok on her back.
Just tucked Busu to bed.
I think Naq is falling asleep now.
Just had a little chat with mama. More worries in head.
But it's alright, now we are all trying to get back to sleep.
Can't stop thinking about the problem tho. Even Naq is getting fed up. Throwing his weight around, even though we're getting used to it but isn't it better to have a little heart and understanding for the people around you??
Even a sincere 'halo' from me was answered with that harsh 'what do you want?!' just now. It hurt.
Oooooh I so want to rant now. I am definitely saddened. Was happy a little earlier, but not so now.
Sigh.
Maybe I really did get drunk on mocha. My moods are going haywire o_o.
Hahah, I just suddenly remembered something. Mama said that I should try to take better care of myself because I am just like her when she was young. The more stressed I get, the sicker I become. The sicker I become, the worse my health gets.
I think I should just live a carefree life without a stress in the world.
JUST KIDDING. Carefree life my foot. If I ever want to do well in animation I know I'll end up helluva stressed out drawing all e time.
Wonderful kan?
But, as a little promise to myself; I will try my best to keep healthy.
Thanks mama. You're a great mom. PLUS you're the most patient human being I've ever met. I love you.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I want to blog there's so much to blog about but my brain refuses to put things in order and I might make a mess of things if i blurt everything out at once.
I'll just stay put and keep mum about everything.
Life is good and I'm happy. That's all.
And I'm thankful for lots of things. I want to give a big hug to everybody who actually make me feel like my life is worth living. Hahah.
We all live in this weirded out dog eat dog world, and there are lots of cruel people around.
...I'll shut up now. =)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Hello my name is Froggy and I am hungry.
And Hafiz made his own mud pie!! NOOOOOOO! I want chocolate toooo!!!
And this afternoon was full of phototaking. But my scanner something wrong and blogger is being an ass so I can only upload one photo now.
Me and Aidah. Woot.
Tomorrow if I can I'll upload the other pictures aite?
Ciao~
Adomani!
Friday, January 11, 2008
hey. khai here.
I am very scared to mention about the future. For one, it is clear that the future is very unclear. and there exists this certain unspoken taboo, that if I were to mention a specific wish about the future, usually an uncertain one, then it would be highly likely that my little wish wont ever come true.
My take on this was to simply keep my wishes to myself. I dont usually say or tell people my dreams or my hopes for the future because if i do, i believe it wouldnt come true.
On another hand, others, would chose to inculcate opposite thoughts contrary to what they really want to achieve. Its like building a safe fort for themselves if in any case that the wish turned out otherwise. for example, one would prefer to believe that he would not get the job after a grueling interview session even though he really really really want it. so that if in the end, he ends up not landing the job, he could tell himself, i knew it! and feel much better after that.
Or they might chose to believe that they are not really into a relationship even though they are really totally in love with the partner. So that, you know, just in case a break up might happen, they can always tell themselves, i wasnt that into her anyway and get on with life.
People lie to themselves now to make themselves feel better later if their plan did not turn out in the end. But for how long can one keep up with living a lie. and for how much longer can I keep mum about my own hopes and dreams. things dont happen by lying or by keeping quiet. I know.
I guess the first step is to admit. so here goes. I admit that I am guilty because I am afraid of facing the truth. I guess others might be afraid too?
If so.. Ah what the heck. Enough rambling.
I'm off.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Tsubasa Tokyo Revelations
Bokurano
Samurai X
Avatar the last airbender
Naruto
Naruto Shippuden
Bleach
Seto no hanayome
Nina here's the list. Since you don't have msn anymore just talk to me thru here aite. Enjoy.
Don't email me, my mail's sucky at the mo.
hahaks.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
EPIC. Now I feel like watching The Lion King. Watch till the end It gets better.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Hey hey I know it isn;t Raya but I still want to share this vid okay.
Just watch it larr.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Here's something to try:
place ur fingers like such
try separating both your thumbs whilst still leaving the rest of your fingers touching at the tips.
easy rite?
2nd finger, too, no problem.
now try your fourth finger, your ring finger.
cannot right.
well apparently, according to some belief, this is the reason why we wear wedding bands on the fourth finger. bcoz the fourth fingers represent the husband and the wife. and in the communion, they are supposed to be inseparable.
Such a creative idea.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
My new yearresolutions for the year 2008 1. GET HEALTHY!!!
I shall start exercising more so that I will not get sick so often and so easily.
2. Find a job.
3. Finish that story Nina and I have been planning for the past 6 years. -.-
4. Make a plot good enough for my animation.
5. Be someone that people can be proud of.
6. Love myself
7. NO MORE PROCASTINATING
Hmm. I shall update this more later. I'm off to watch claymore.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
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Saturday
there's this irritating insect that keeps flying around my head.
It won't go away.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday
It's that time of the month.
Final submission week.
I am dead la. All due today. everything. Die.
I'm gonna break down sooner or later.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday
hey.
Why don't you make the first move this time.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Oh wow.
Congratulations dude, now I can't sleep at all tonight.
Thanks for making me guilty for everything.
On another note:
I don't want to fail italian. But it's just so hard to memorise anything. I may need help.
And I feel pathetic. Breathing exercises? So that I won't cough so much anymore. right.
Audio journal. I have to start on those too.
Monday, January 21, 2008
I DO give a damn.
But what should I do?
I miss you.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday
Mama suspects something. But she's approaching me wrongly.
There's no way you should threaten your daughter like that maaaa. Of course she'll freak out and back away. X_X
I really wish everything would work out okay.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The days seem to be getting slower every day.
It's like everybody is getting on with their lives. And I just stand and watch waiting for something to happen.
Or not.
I'm really scared right now. Sigh. There's a lot of internal conflict happening inside myself.
Sometimes I think I talk too much. Other times I think I talk too little. The rest of the time I would whack myself in the head for not talking at all. Or for talking too much in my head. Augh whatever la ayuun.
Dear ayun,
You never bothered. You never tried. One day you might regret that you didn't do anything at all.
Regret. Something you should learn to overcome.
You've got a fear too. Didn't you know? And you're super scared right now. Scared witless.
If life is a test; are you failing it yet?
Am you even going to survive the rest of this test?
Oh. Inner turmoil. I think I almost lost it for a bit today. I just stoned for 2 whole hours doing absolutely nothing. Just sitting down not even thinking of anything at all.
I remember I used to do that a lot back in secondary school. Couldn't remember why then, can't remember why I still do that now.
Absolutely nothing. That was what I was thinking about for 2 hours.
Like wow. Is this meditation? Hahah.
Hello there. My name is Froggy, or Khairun, or Ayun, or Yunie. Call me anything you want. I don't care, as long as I know that it's me being called.
I'm a fickle-minded, hypocritical, scared and bored individual who doesn't know what to do with her messed up life. Her future is bleak, and she wishes for something interesting to happen at least once within this year. It IS her final year in TP anyway.
She hated Primary school, hated Secondary school, and yet she loves Temasek Poly. Her favourite school.
I want something good to happen la please.
Oh shit I lost my glasses. Damnit.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday
Mama's okay ^^
Operation is scheduled at a later time if things ever get worse. So for the time being she'll be home.
Yayy.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
What is the date today? I forget.
My right eye keeps drying up too.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Friday
THANK YOU YUMI PONG FOR LENDING ME YOUR HARD DRIVE.
YOU ARE AN ANGEL. I LOVE YOU.
Now I can play games on my mac. Wheee. And I got photoshop! And Painter! Paainter!!
Yessah.
Oh yes tomorrow is mama's checkup. After the xray and the checks and once the docs are sure she's okay she'll get the operation. I'm praying for her health.
Get well soon mama.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I have learnt a valuable lesson today.
Do not smile at dogs. Even if it was on a leash and the owner is a happy young girl with a big smile.
I got chased around my block la.
IT WAS SCARY.
:'(
Friday, January 18, 2008
Wednesday
Well, today was the first time in a looong time.
A very long time.
I managed to catch up to a lot of things I guess.
Quite a lot. hahah.
I forgot what I wanted to talk about. He's bugging me again.
What the hell is wrong with using the bed??? I can't use my laptop on the bed anymore issit?!
Is it wrong?
Until you have to threaten me saying that you'd break the table? Just cos u want me to use the table instead of the bed which does absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Sheesh.
And also; I COUGH. I get it. It's not that irritating isn't it?! It's ust a cough!!!
Sigh.
Today was peaceful. I didn't do anything; just whiled my time away waiting for things to happen.
I'm broke.
And I miss hafiz. Eleven months dude. one one.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday
I failed my Italian test. Wonderful innit.
4 out of 10.
Even after studying.
Like what da hell man.
I remember my mind going blank when I got the questions. Study study study; all for nought.
I should try harder. I will try harder.
Just watch me.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I'm kinda confused.
Disoriented.
Maybe I'm perpetually stupid.
Or just inferior.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday
I reached home at 1030pm today. My headache is still the same.
Mama was already asleep when I reached. Didn't get to give her the present.
Abah was lecturing me over absolutely nothing as usual. I ignored him and went to clear up the kitchen.
My left eye won't stop hurting. I should change contacts soon.
Nina owes me. I owe Nina. I don't really give a damn about owing anymore.
Class on thursday. Til night.
headache back again. aduh.
swollen left hand. it itches.
I hate being emo. It gives such a headache. Nina suggested I do what I always did back in secondary school. But it left scars and I remember promising myself to never do that again.
It might help though. Gosh I'm wavering.
But I'm scared.
Aaah fuck up frog. You probably have done enough damage in this lifetime.
Stop scratching your hand its getting worse.
I'd like to give my thanks to the little kitty living under my block for cheering me up. Thanks for looking like you know something is wrong. Putting your little paw on my lap and looking up at me meowing with that sad look is so adorable. You cheered me up lots.
I miss .
Ahh shuddup lah froggy.
Monday, January 14, 2008
you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
wherever you go
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday
Mama is seriously sick.
She's fallen asleep once's everyone left.
Hope she's okay.
Something's up with Abah.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The whole family, extended and close relatives are over at my house.
After ngaji classes in the morning I immediately started cooking dinner. Mama got sick again Naq and Kak Dil ran away to Mcdonalds' to 'study' so i got stuck cooking at home.
Menu for today:
Nasi briyani
Briyani ikan
Ayam masak merah
Dhal
Ikan goreng
Yeah. Finished in time, people came I served them.
Kak tun got lost near masjid sultan. so she ended up returning home late so i was stuck serving all these people non stop.
and now i am exhausted, and yet another problem pops up. Something I really worry about.
I don't know what to think anymore.
My aunt invited me to work for her after I graduate. As an art teacher for little children.
In Aceh. For a few years. I don't think I can take all that responsibility just yet. Hahah.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Okay talk to me now. =D
Been hectic and crazy all day today.
Don't feel like blogging about it though. hahah!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday
please don't talk to me.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I just woke up. Everybody at home awoke to the noise.
I'm worried for mama. She's been looking worser and worser every time I reach home. I just finished putting the koyok on her back.
Just tucked Busu to bed.
I think Naq is falling asleep now.
Just had a little chat with mama. More worries in head.
But it's alright, now we are all trying to get back to sleep.
Can't stop thinking about the problem tho. Even Naq is getting fed up. Throwing his weight around, even though we're getting used to it but isn't it better to have a little heart and understanding for the people around you??
Even a sincere 'halo' from me was answered with that harsh 'what do you want?!' just now. It hurt.
Oooooh I so want to rant now. I am definitely saddened. Was happy a little earlier, but not so now.
Sigh.
Maybe I really did get drunk on mocha. My moods are going haywire o_o.
Hahah, I just suddenly remembered something. Mama said that I should try to take better care of myself because I am just like her when she was young. The more stressed I get, the sicker I become. The sicker I become, the worse my health gets.
I think I should just live a carefree life without a stress in the world.
JUST KIDDING. Carefree life my foot. If I ever want to do well in animation I know I'll end up helluva stressed out drawing all e time.
Wonderful kan?
But, as a little promise to myself; I will try my best to keep healthy.
Thanks mama. You're a great mom. PLUS you're the most patient human being I've ever met. I love you.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I want to blog there's so much to blog about but my brain refuses to put things in order and I might make a mess of things if i blurt everything out at once.
I'll just stay put and keep mum about everything.
Life is good and I'm happy. That's all.
And I'm thankful for lots of things. I want to give a big hug to everybody who actually make me feel like my life is worth living. Hahah.
We all live in this weirded out dog eat dog world, and there are lots of cruel people around.
...I'll shut up now. =)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Friday
Hello my name is Froggy and I am hungry.
And Hafiz made his own mud pie!! NOOOOOOO! I want chocolate toooo!!!
And this afternoon was full of phototaking. But my scanner something wrong and blogger is being an ass so I can only upload one photo now.
Me and Aidah. Woot.
Tomorrow if I can I'll upload the other pictures aite?
Ciao~
Adomani!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday
hey. khai here.
I am very scared to mention about the future. For one, it is clear that the future is very unclear. and there exists this certain unspoken taboo, that if I were to mention a specific wish about the future, usually an uncertain one, then it would be highly likely that my little wish wont ever come true.
My take on this was to simply keep my wishes to myself. I dont usually say or tell people my dreams or my hopes for the future because if i do, i believe it wouldnt come true.
On another hand, others, would chose to inculcate opposite thoughts contrary to what they really want to achieve. Its like building a safe fort for themselves if in any case that the wish turned out otherwise. for example, one would prefer to believe that he would not get the job after a grueling interview session even though he really really really want it. so that if in the end, he ends up not landing the job, he could tell himself, i knew it! and feel much better after that.
Or they might chose to believe that they are not really into a relationship even though they are really totally in love with the partner. So that, you know, just in case a break up might happen, they can always tell themselves, i wasnt that into her anyway and get on with life.
People lie to themselves now to make themselves feel better later if their plan did not turn out in the end. But for how long can one keep up with living a lie. and for how much longer can I keep mum about my own hopes and dreams. things dont happen by lying or by keeping quiet. I know.
I guess the first step is to admit. so here goes. I admit that I am guilty because I am afraid of facing the truth. I guess others might be afraid too?
If so.. Ah what the heck. Enough rambling.
I'm off.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Saturday
Tsubasa Tokyo Revelations
Bokurano
Samurai X
Avatar the last airbender
Naruto
Naruto Shippuden
Bleach
Seto no hanayome
Nina here's the list. Since you don't have msn anymore just talk to me thru here aite. Enjoy.
Don't email me, my mail's sucky at the mo.
hahaks.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Thursday
EPIC. Now I feel like watching The Lion King. Watch till the end It gets better.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Wednesday
Hey hey I know it isn;t Raya but I still want to share this vid okay.
Just watch it larr.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Tuesday
Here's something to try:
place ur fingers like such
try separating both your thumbs whilst still leaving the rest of your fingers touching at the tips.
easy rite?
2nd finger, too, no problem.
now try your fourth finger, your ring finger.
cannot right.
well apparently, according to some belief, this is the reason why we wear wedding bands on the fourth finger. bcoz the fourth fingers represent the husband and the wife. and in the communion, they are supposed to be inseparable.
Such a creative idea.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
My new yearresolutions for the year 2008 1. GET HEALTHY!!!
I shall start exercising more so that I will not get sick so often and so easily.
2. Find a job.
3. Finish that story Nina and I have been planning for the past 6 years. -.-
4. Make a plot good enough for my animation.
5. Be someone that people can be proud of.
6. Love myself
7. NO MORE PROCASTINATING
Hmm. I shall update this more later. I'm off to watch claymore.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
gallery
Random shit.
I drew me.
I drew me again.
This was drawn on my macbook before I lost it.
2006, from left, Rafi, me, Shabs, JM, Nina, and Khai.