Monday
Dear God. Please save me from this hell.
im at my lowest of lows and downest of downs
and then just now i had a real-life-no-joke-im-not-kidding panic attack.
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/panic_attacks/page3_em.htm
....some sufferers are not under any "fear" or any psychological illness but are under extreme amounts of stress and anxiety resulting in a panic attack -Wikipedia
i couldnt control what was happening to my body for one whole looong hour and its very scary because i thought i was going to die.
i acted as usual at dance session. it was too overwhelming. also partly because i was tired and hungry. i wished i could tell someone, just ask anybody to accompany me home just for tonight. because i didnt feel..... i didnt feel very correct just now. but i know everyone's very tired too. i didnt want to spoil anybody's fun. troubling people to send me home would have definitely ruined things again.
anyways i started trembling on the bus. and then sweating. the bus was air conditioned and i was sweating. what a joke huh. i rushed home, had a shower, cried in the shower and then tried to sleep. as i was on my bed uh, i suddenly felt like... kena hempap because i became breathless. but i could sit up and walk so i know there were no forces beyond my comprehension doing this. it was just my body trying to be funny. i had the fan blasting wind in my face cause i was sweating but it only made me even colder. i rolled myself up into a ball, wrapped the comforter around me and started rocking to and fro on my bed. hurhur. i felt like a drug addict on cold turkey....
the next thing i know, its midnight already.
all the palpitations and sweating and rocking must have concussed me bad.
still feeling down. still feeling low. haiz.. but life has to go on lah....
Monday, September 01, 2008
