.Ramblings of yunie.

2009-04-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

"Ma, people in the past... their love stories seem to be more..."
"Romantic?"
"Yeah"
"And tragic. And beautiful. Which makes people want to fall in love so much,"
"Mmm..."
"UNLIKE YOUR GENERATION."
"?!"
"ALL YOU ALL DO IS MAKE OUT AND HAVE SEX. SEX, SEX, SEX."
"..."

from zhou's blog arh.

Spider

2009-03-30T11:00:00.001-07:00

AN EPIPHANY

2009-03-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

Realisation sunk in just recently.

And and and.

I realize how grateful I was to have him by my side. Cheering me on.

Smiling to lift my spirits.

Calling to make sure I'm okay.

Giving me his shoulder to cry on no matter the problem.

Keeping me sane.

He knows my tastes. He knows what's my decision.

But hey, remember that if you do need a hug or an ear, I'm here to listen.
Don't go hiding in your shell!

I thought I was gonna split into two.

I don't know why. I had been so headstrong in my decision.

Maybe it's like this cos nothing has been happening.

But I firmly believe you're worth the wait, because I love you.

What more can I ask for?

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamp.

2009-03-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

CRAMPS. I fainted from the intense pain.

Wad the hell man.

But I'm happier today, cos its the first time in a long while I feel loved.

...Somehow.

We <3s you!

2009-03-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Its the feeling where every little thing you do as been carefully laid out and if you do something off or out of place there's hell to pay.

I feel you, poor guy.

It's almost over. I can't wait.

2009-03-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

2009-03-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

I love you Kaine.

Your'e like the bestest best and not to mention sweetest online friend ever.

Thanks for worrying about me, even though you live countries away.

Love!

Suffering

2009-03-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

A series of unfortunate events.

Why oh why am I always the one who gets it.

What did I do wrong.

I hope things go well tomorrow.
No bad things, please, God.

Serious ke pe?!

2009-03-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

This will seriously make you feel small.

her her her

2009-03-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

I had this feeling like something was missing. It reminded me of that dream where you get to school with no clothes on, but it wasn't that. It was something else.

I meant to say something nicer and more cooperative, but that's what came out. It felt like I couldn't pass up the chance to run her down. It was like letting something out that had to get out. Something that was clawing me to death from the inside.

I just sort of held my nose and sank all the way down into trouble.

It was like this big black cloud of doom sitting on my head.

It was a way only _______ had ever made me feel: like there's something on this old dried up planet that's really worth the price of admission, that almost makes up for everything else.

I have to face the fact that there's a day out there. You know. Waiting for me. It's like there's this wall between me and the day and I can't figure out how to go through it. Or maybe I don't even want to.

She prodded at the colored patches with her finger, and watched as the bright colors became matt and less vivid against her brownish skin.

Her room was gradually filling with familiar voices.

2009-03-08T10:43:00.001-07:00

Mirage (4 pics)

PAINTCHAT

2009-03-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Some random squibbles all of us did in Pchat.

It's MY time-waster.

If you want to make random friends, just join in the chatroom and talk to them through there.

I made real good friends, with Kaine, this girl from Germany. She's sweet. And Hugo, from France, but he can't speak much english. Hahaha..

To anybody with a tablet: http://rosanbo.com/paintchat

And:

Somebody please watch this movie with me. I read the book a looong time ago in the regional library, and i want MOAR.
Pleaaase pleease.

~ayun

UPDATEUPDATEUPDATE

2009-03-06T23:46:00.000-08:00

Me and nina are learning this dance. It's so DIFFICULT.

Thanks lots ninin for introducing me DBSK! Now I don't feel so pedo anymore fangirling over Hey Say JUMP. Hoho.

Final Year Project has officially ended. I can start updating now.
Sorry everyone who has been frequenting and seeing no updates. It's been a while.

What's happened in my life so far.

Finished my FYP.
Hung out around Tampines.
Dance lessons.
Hamsters!
More people staying at my house.
Shit happening.
JCG Chalet and Hafizzie's birthday.

...Yeeeeeah. so.. Pictures!

Me and nina

Don't you love her?

Diyang, Samantha and the birthday boyy.

Our little shrine that we made on the beach

We were supposed to try to look GOOD. GOOD dammit. Wth is fizz and diyang thinking? And I look so STRESSED! D8< I look pretty fat in this photo. Aaargh, Dee. Never never take me from this angle anymore!!
The chalet. OooOOoooOOOo.
Diyang, Fizz and Samantha. One happy family. Yeayy.

Oh oh oh. I cleaned out my cupboards today. All my paperworks and books and comics and everything has been rearranged.

Now all my art supplies are within reach and I can concentrate on building up a portfolio. Yeahh man.

And to celebrate my efforts I even drew some pictures. Practice, practice.

2009-01-12T06:37:00.000-08:00

Would YOU be this crazy?

I can't believe i sang along to this one alone in my room. o.o

LADIES' NIGHT

2009-01-08T00:57:00.000-08:00

Hello Peepos.

Today was eventful.

Woke up shoooooper dooooooper early. Grabbed my broken handphone (you know, it only plays music and takes pictures. Useless thing now, seriously.) and a bottle of water and walked out the door.

Took a verry nice morning walk toward Bedok Res. Sunrise was pretty~
And then it got super hot.

..Who knew mornings could get so humid?

So I ran at first, but then got all tired out. So I walked. ^_^
One round, andden I jogged back home.
Bathed.
Fell asleep.

...Aaaand woke up at 3.

Did some drawings, organised some scenes that ought to be edited.

Oh! I GOT A PAPERCUT. IT FREAKIN HURTS, COS I SLICED MY FINGER ON A PAGE OF AN ENCYCLOPEDIA.

I SWEAR, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
And I should add, it''s a pretty darn deep cut.

This is me trying to convince myself I am not doing too much.
....The first page of many many.

After that got ready for the night out wit Nin and Shab.

Met at Nin's place. Her poor cuz got HFM. Get well soon, Indra!

Went walking around, had dinner at long johns'.

...

We all were too poor to go to that japanese restaurant. le-sigh~

So yeah.

Shab treated us to DDR instead. Nin and I were on par all the way. Yay! It felt like an episode from Evangelion. Haha. Those who watched it should know what I'm talking about.

And Nin gave me her tweety bird plaster. I luv it. My thobbing finger is thankful too.

=D

Then-SURPRISE! Bestie no.2 came! LUKE!
...Ayun shock.

So me Nin Luke hung out a bit. At the playground in TM. There was a strange puke-smell coming from somewhere, so we left.

And we went home.

Yah.

And there was this very handsome young black cat that appeared when I was walking home. It apparent ran up to me when I had a sudden coughing fit.
..So cute la that kitty. And it looks so pretty. And so manjaaa.

Almost didn't notice that it has a missing right eye, and its spine was a little twisted. It was a real great tomcat. Haha.

Went home.

Blogged. Youtube-d.

The end.

SMSing Fizz now. I wonder if I could wake up early tomorrow. I got to show around that Principal from some japanese school around TP.

..Muahahaha. I shall corrupt his mind with false truths of TP!
..Jokin.
...maybe not.

..hmmmm..

Goodnight.

.TODAY.

2009-01-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

I had a day.

It wasn't great, and it wasn't bad either.

It was just.... A day.

And it felt kind of strange and surreal. Like as if it was never supposed to happen to me and yet it still happened.

My day would usually vary on either extremes of good and bad.

But today was a neutral.

And it felt like it was a day out of a story book.

Yes, I know I'm strange. -.- Don't rub it in.

Woke up with a slight fever in the mornin. And so I got up, took my meds and went to school.

In school.
Met a buncha friends I didn't expect to meet.

Like the old Ophix crew, who apparently remembered me as much as I remembered them. Which isn't much.
But at least there are a few who do recall my name. And the glomps~

And Melvin, ze old programme officer in last year's Design Camp. Now Camp Cammandant. And HE says yay to me joining in the old programme comm. Yessahh. Happy moment.

And and and.

I did my work. Animation. Background. Sound. All the planning's been finalised, Gantt chart revised.

I can do my work properly and with not (much) stress. With hopefully time to spare.

Was at the library till I almost froze my butt off. Didn't feel like being in design school, where all I see is everyone doing work.
Scared I might feel pressured. >_< _=

Ayun. Nothing good'll come from getting involved in that. (my lesson of the day)
Spoken like a true bestie. Haha. Love you nin.

Smsed my besties all day today. *happy moment again* I may have lost 1 of them, but I gained another one. Yayy.

And finally....

Tomorrow: Bedok Resevoir Jog! GANBATTE AYUN!

P.S:

2009-01-05T09:16:00.001-08:00

HENNA.

2009-01-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Today was all me day.

Woke up at 2pm. I slept at 6am last night, because I couldn't sleep. Usually would've smsed somebody throughout the night but decided against it.

Remembered Dan, and suddenly wasn't in the mood to sms anyone.

So I decided to clean out my closet.

Take a break from FYP.

But ah, starting next week is CHIONG.

This I got to tell myself. Or else I will hate myself for eternity.

And I am already close to hating myself edi. Verrrry close.

So yeah closet clean. Table cleaned up too. My desk is super clear as compared to naq's. I wish I got a picture, but I am too lazy to get up and find a camera.

Found a lot of old clothes, a lot of random ones, and a lot of cool ones I have never even tried out before.

May be wearing one of those tomorrow to drawing session.

hee.

---

What is happiness?

Bestie told me its all relative.

Some slit their wrists to be happy.

Some laugh at everything to be happy.

Some help others to be happy.

Some help themselves to be happy.

If you're unhappy with being happy; how do you become happier?

Hmmm.

Ponyo ponyo~

2009-01-04T01:41:00.000-08:00

I realise how easily pissed I can get lately.

How little things can make me rant or yell. Or cry.

Fuck PMS. DAMN period. This is PAIN with a capital P.

I dunno y i am so freakin' dissappointed with self.. Maybe its cos I never got the answers i asked for.

Had jcg meeting today. Gotta do posters; must remind myself to do.

Then I found out that I can unlock the notice board without using the key. I got magic fingers. ^_^

And after that accompanied oli, diyang and hafiz to play arcade games. Or at least, to watch Oli play.
Fast game, nice. And getting that free shooting game thing was cool too. Lucky I found that booth.

Aaand on another note:

Ponyo was awesome. Made me remember why I decided to join animation again. Drawing such wonderful creatures feels great. Especially if people can connect with them.

I didn't regret going to watch the movie at all. It was wonderfully awesome and I had a great time.

Tasteless Sea foams can't stop me from watching it again.

(:

MOOD TODAY: all in all, great laughs with Oli.
Fun, happy, drunken happy, then sad, then neutral and then moody all PMS'ed.

It was a day of confusing emotions ah. Let's hope I can confine days like this into at most once a month ehhs. Let's tryy.

2009-01-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

I realise how easily pissed I can get lately.

How little things can make me rant or yell.

But who cares eh. When its time I try to seriously give my opinions about somethings they never get through right.

Or they do get through, but are made a joke of.

Fuck PMS. DAMN period. This is PAIN with a capital P.

Aaand on another note:

Ponyo was awesome. Made me remember why I decided to join animation again. Drawing such wonderful creatures feels great. Especially if people can connect with them.

ah.

BYE 2008, HELLO 2009

2009-01-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

Never thought that 2008 would teach me so much.
But, it seriously did.

Learnt a whole lot more than what I bargained for.
Kinda made me realise how stupid I can be as well

For the first time in my life, I got tired of keeping up with my grades.

I saw my grades fall. By a lot.

Partially thanks to lots of happenings.
Stress-related issues. Family. Work. Relationship.
One after another, a problem would appear.

Lost my macbook during DOTC camp. Hard disk kept getting reformatted.(lol I almost typed 'dick' instead of 'disc'. GAH!)
Failed a subject. Gotta retake.

Got a permanent ankle injury, and I can't do too much strenuous exercise anymore. Health deteriorated for a bit.

Mum got sick.

My aunt passed away. My old bestie passed away.

I broke up. I messed up. I made more friends and aquaintances.

All these things over a period of one year.

Crazy moments, all of the above.

2008 saw me rekindling old friendships, and losing a few too.
I miss you Fariz, Kamilia and Siti. My good old primary school buddies. And Rest in Peace, Dan.

There's still one person I miss the mostest, though.

NINAAAA!
YOU are the bestest best bud anybody could ask for. You did tell me many times before if I were a boy you'd already be my girl. Haha.

We've been through like ten million shits together
Cried our eyes out, listened to each others' rants
laugh about random things like we're high on drugs
get pissed and mad at boys
worried over things
plan evil plots together
we even joined a singing competition together

And because of this
and all the random phonecalls we used to have

I love you sooooo much. (:

AND I'm still in the midst of writing my resolutions.

?just wad is up wit kids these days?

2008-12-29T08:14:00.001-08:00

The Gemini Woman

2008-12-28T07:19:00.001-08:00

(like, whut. Thanks to Haris for emailing me this XD)

A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down with the word "Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many different characters.

She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She eager to learn something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection.

Even when she likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and inspect your bad side! at the same time, because it is in her nature.

She's able to keep all kinds of mixed emotions without annoying you or letting you know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her conversation will not bored you. She able to talk to you in any subjects. She can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand alone, she can stand alone firmly an comfortably.

She can be your best buddy and talk to you about anything. She can join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick wit person and learn new things very fast. She can see your projects and she can give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman.

She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple personalities and many moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for 2 minutes and later suddenly be quiet. She wants to find only 1 true love and she wants to meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boy friend. She can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you break up with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor, so her love life can be complex or a mess.

She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows what she believes today can be different tomorrow.

She could communicate in more than 1 language , a real gifted linguistic. If she wants to tell you any bad comments, she won't say it straight away, but she will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject without offending you. She will not lie.

She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feel content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have more. Don't ask her what is her ultimate contentment for she will not have an answer.

Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always be beside you.
She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone walk side by side with her, together and equally.

TUTELAGE DAMMIT

2008-12-14T13:02:00.000-08:00

TUTELAGE

I have this boy tutoring under me. He likes to sing, he says, but seems to be rather tone-deaf. He says Sundays are not nice days for Mathematics, but there has never been a good day for Mathematics - that is, unless you are a mathematical fannatic, of course. Currently, this boy is sitting across from me, our National day songs in his skinny hands, and singing along with my family. This boy, he refuses to finish the last question for his decimal placing, so I will not stop typing about him until he does so. So, unless this boy wants me to stop typing about him, he had better finish that one portion of his maths homework so we can move on to his word problems. Only then, will he finish his homework.

Only then, is he allowed to sing.

Only then...

There is another boy tutoring under me. This other boy is the previous boy's older brother. This other boy does not seem to be a fanatic of singing. At least, he is quieter than his brother, and does his work. He keeps forgetting his maths formulae, though, and his favourite catch phrase for maths is, "I don't know. I forgot."

That is the one thing that the two brothers share. Both like to say, "I don't know. I forgot."

MY ASS.

I think the both of them can remember. They are just stubborn - like all boys - and only do these things to irk me.

ROAR.

End of ranting.

2008-12-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

What's the use if he doesn't call me or talk to me?

I'm being used. It's so obvious.

And it sucks to know that I know and I don't want to do anything about it.

It fuckin' sucks.

2008-12-12T08:41:00.000-08:00

You have a way of coming easily to me.
And when you take, you take the very best of me.
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and WISHED them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

(CHORUS)
Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

You never did give a damn thing, honey.
But I cried, cried for you.
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you.
(Died for you)

Oh, what a shame.
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending.
Counted all the scars you made.
Now that I'm sittin here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.

2008-12-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

Symphony says:
anyways have a nice day... =) miss u dear.. hahaha

I miss you too!!!!

2008-12-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

haiizzzzzzzzz.

2008-12-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

Hey, It's 12.35am. And today was very quiet.

I did nothing much; other than attend my interim1 which I worried over for no bloody reason.

Tried to force myself to sleep; but it's not working.

Didn't sleep much last night; and the night before I slept restlessly.
And I'm beginning to feel the exhaustion. And yet I still can't fall asleep.

Maybe it's 'cause I'm sleeping in a neighbor's living room and using a random laptop whose batt is dying already.

Shit happens man. I need sleep.

Aaaand on another note I will be leaving Singapore really really soon. And my remaining days are all full till late, cos I got work at IMM. To anybody out there feel free to visit me?

It's nice to have company. And I want to at least talk to some people before I leave. It's so hard to reach them though. Sigh.

Okay batt's dying edi. bye.

2008-12-05T07:47:00.000-08:00

Useful ways of using a penknife other than to stab yourself with.

2008-12-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

2008-11-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

I cant fight this feeling any longer
And yet Im still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I cant hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when were together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
Im keeping you in sight
Youre a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winters night
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
Ive been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that Im following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone Id never find

And even as I wander Im keeping you in sight
Youre a candle in the window on a cold, dark winters night
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I cant fight this feeling anymore
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for
Its time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever
Cause I cant fight this feeling anymoreIve forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore.

2008-11-19T02:47:00.000-08:00

I'm a half. I lost me other half.

How come? I think it's cos I fell down the stairs. huhuh.

Fuck me and my clumsiness. I hate me right now so much I want to shrivel up and die.

The only thing that I hope that can make me feel better right now is nothing. I can't even draw right now because of the crick in my right thumb and forefinger.

This sucks.

Oh my GOD I am so emo. *forces self into a random folder and clicks delete*'

Beep blip bloop. Frog deleted.

2008-10-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

I will not be posting anymore.

Not for a while at least.

Goodbye.

2008-10-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

This hunk is drool-licious. I loike.

Hair and a great bod to boot. RAWRR.

And on another note I want CANDY. Sugar. Yeah.

And Yuuto. And Ryousuke. And the cast of Hey Say JUMP. They are lovable little kids.

No I am not Pedo. The kids just look cute; that's all.

Sheeesh.

I very much prefer that man in the perfume ad.

Or this man:

Whooooo yeaaah. I probably could stare at him all day.

Men are awesome.

My next post might be about women. LOL.

~yun

2008-10-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

1 2 3 4! Hi-5!

Love em.

2008-10-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

This may be abit late........ but still here goes:

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

to all my fellow friends and relatives!

Maaf zahir batin. Forgive and forget; move on and love.

Up there's pictures my nephew took. He's pretty good, though he made me look like Sadako.

But, heck; I don't mind that at all.

Yaaay. I can actually write my name using a sparkler!!

2008-10-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

Fever. Sigh.

2008-10-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

Will upload our performance when I can get ahold of a good quality video.

I am SO not tech-savvy.

Savvy?

2008-10-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

Oh god I'm beginning to fangirl.

Oh well what the hell.

=D

2008-10-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

I didn't feel like a winner.

Not at all.

But hey, I had fun. Met some supporters. Haha.

Nice nice people. Neko and Eisha and chibi and Bryan and Shandy and Michelle and so many friends were there.

Ali and Kim were a surprise. I didn't expect them to turn up there. Too bad I didn't get to meet with Wei Lee.

And kittenn. They are melt-worthy. I can just eat them up.

Yah. So That's most of it.

2008-10-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

Today was ultimately very.. different.

Finally.

I'm finally getting to feeling better. Working things out.

And it's the first time in a pretty long time I heard myself laugh.Or laughed that hard.

It felt good.

2008-10-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

I just read death.

Death was awesome.

And now I'm reading into New Moon, the 2nd book of the twilight books.

Will update later.

I got too much of awesome-ness to put down.

2008-10-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

Life's crap.

Allergy to nuts isn't helping. Raya is riddled with peanut cookies n stuffs.

But.

I got myself something to keep me busy in times to come.

Thanks to all the genorosity of the people around me. Haha.

My List of to-read books/ graphic novels that I just got:

Night World Volume 1 by L.J Smith

Secret Vampire by L.J Smith

Daughters of the Darkness by L.J Smith

Spellbinder by L.J Smith

Twilight by Stephenie Meyers

New Moon by Stephenie Meyers

Azumanga Daioh! the whole Manga collection

The Darkness Graphic Novel Series

The Authority Graphic novel series

Steampunk comic

Marvel 1602 comic

Fables-1001 Nights of snowfall Graphic Novel

Fables comic issue #1-57

Complete Neil Gaiman collection of graphic novels

Black Orchid Graphic novel

Books of magic Graphic novel

Death Graphic novel (volume 1-3)

Lucifer comic issue #1-68

Only the End of the World Again Graphic Novel

Hellblazer Special:Trenchcoat Brigade Vol 1-4

The Sandman Series Graphic Novels

NEXTWAVE Agents of H.A.T.E Matvel comics complete set

Arkham Asylum-Living Hell

Thanks everybody for giving me/selling me these books!

2008-09-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

I can't save this world. Not if I can't even save myself. And nobody will be here to save me either.

I have to do all this on my own.

And that just sucks innit. Life is so goddamn horrible. Gotta learn to live with it.

And I hope that everyone out there with their own problems please do cheer up and try their best to look at the brighter side of life. Because; hey. Shit happens.

I'm learning. I'm struggling; but I WILL try to work it out. Just gotta have faith in myself.
Cmoonn yun.

2008-09-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks Ramadan. Thanks a lot.

Thanks Nina.

Thanks Shab. I promise to make time for you okay. You're always number 1. =]

And thanks Ada. =]

2008-09-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

Urge. To. Kill. RISING.

2008-09-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

Mama has PAWAH.

She's wondurr woman.

I respect her man.

And when she says I should go sleep; I WILL go sleep.

Goodnight people.

Don't ever go against someone who has power over my dad. Haha. Mama is awesome.

2008-09-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

You know what.

Stop it. Don't tell me any more.

If you think that he's being unfair to you then just BREAK UP.
You love him; oh yeah so big deal. If he hurts you then you know that isn't right.

I asked you; and you tell me that you know he isn't making you happy. You know he's not accepting you.

Don't believe him. If he says he loves you. Don't.

He's not gonna love you back. If he makes you THAT MUCH UNHAPPY.

Seven years may be a long time; but you got to think straight too. People can change. I know I changed a lot. What makes you think he wouldn't?

Just think it through. It's all your choice; but please don't take it out on me this way. I'm here for you; but just through msn and your blog.

Don't try to find me. Okay?

Sigh. I guess even gays can have their problems. Cheer up okay.

2008-09-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

I don't like blogger. It refuses to upload pictures onto the com. My past entry is UNFINISHED.

..Gahh.

Well; today was crazy. Whack whack whack whack. Kick kick kick kick. Owowowow. Lotsa punts to the head. and punches too.

Don't know what came over me. But I just went with the adrenaline.

I guess I'm losing it.

I still feel the same.

And on other news thank youuuuuu Dee and Ris for the free ride!

2008-09-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

OHMIGOD IZZY. THEY SAW US. WHAT SHOULD WE DOOOOO--

Hahaha. I chanced upon this folder when I was cleaning out my computer space.(I needed to clean out the, er; pictures and folders had to be reorganised.) It was when SpiderPunks went to have a very random dinner because everybody happened to be free.

I want to eat dinner with you guys again. I miss you all uh.

SP, excluding Izzy who was holding the camera.

Incomplete. Blogger kept dying on me. D8

2008-09-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome the Mega Hamster Mosh pit! *funky music and bright neon lights dazzle dazzle*

2008-09-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

I suspect I posted this before last Raya; but I don't care I'm posting it again.

It's a great tear-jerker for me haha. Because it reminds me so much of my grandparents.

I miss looking after them. Maybe I shall take up volunteer work again. It's been years.

And and and. I WANT to ask for forgiveness from my mom and dad.

For I have done a many things wrong. and I want their forgiveness.

2008-09-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

allah knows* No man is worth the aggravation it's ancient history been there done that. says:
kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim
[Kim] THIS IS THE ELEGANT ART OF FEMININE CONFLICT. says:
froggyyyyyyyyyyy
allah knows* No man is worth the aggravation it's ancient history been there done that. says:
okay bye.
[Kim] THIS IS THE ELEGANT ART OF FEMININE CONFLICT. says:
D8 WOKAY.

Aaand that was it. We understood each other perfectly. Haha.

2008-09-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

Poor little ham needed a vet collar. And so cute- it was held together by one little staple.
Get well soon. =]

2008-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

OMG KYAA. A DUST KITTY.

WAD WAS IT DOING UNDER MY BED.

And why the hell am I writing in caps for. Sheesh calm down uh frog. Ryun hates you for it.

2008-09-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Was at home all day today. And at night was ergh.

Did housework.

Cooked.

Laundry.

To market to buy necessities.

Read a book.

Smsed a bunch of people.

Worried over who's going for the Japanese high school carnival.

Practiced dancing Mariah's song.

Became the middleperson between Rino and Nina's deal. (50 bucks zomg i feel so poor now)

And for good behavior all day today and yesterday my dad gave me freedom after terawikh.

But then there was nothing for me to do.

I was so alone. Had nobody to talk to. Had nothing to do.
I practically walked around the park listlessly.

I feel so much emptier without a watch. Haha.

2008-09-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave

2008-09-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

Sometimes you're so worn-out you don't think you can stand emotions in what remains of your life. You can't let love too play havoc with the scattered pieces of you.

Trust

2008-09-17T08:04:00.004-07:00

Are we done chasing rainbows? Can we go back to reality now? -Ryun

The four of us sincerely welcome Ryun into the family. Lost one will be grieved; and new one will be loved.

Support us, girl. And welcome. Let's hope for a better future ahead. Spunky, strong Ryun. Help this body overcome her problems and give her strength to move on.

Was it a one-sided rant? Who knows. I guess you never trusted me enough to want to tell me anything after all. I think; did you even try to call me out to talk to me or has it always been me?

A year plus of your distrust; that's what it probably was. If I'm wrong, then say it. And explain it well enough so that I could have a closure. Because this shouldn't be the way to end I believe.

2008-09-17T08:04:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow's the day.

Will be meeting Ronald to discuss about SIP.

Damn that 77-Star. Eet ish noht two bee trusted.

Will hope for the best tomorrow.

Ohmigod. Something happened. What the fuck is wrong with my body. Dammit dammit dammit.

Ya Allah; please give me the strength to go through all these hardships. Please help me, if nobody else can.

Ryun here

2008-09-17T08:04:00.001-07:00

ORLY?!

I think when a sharp-beaked bird gets beyond 90 degrees with the head tilt. RUN. AWAY.

2008-09-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

[crazy hamster stripping music playing in the background]

2008-09-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

2008-09-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

I want you to take a look at yourself.

A long, hard look.

Go ahead, peer into the mirror,

To see what you are.

I want you to see exactly what you are.

I want to tell you.

I feel no shame, no regrets.

You are a cancer.

Taking away all that was ever good to me--

All who were ever good to me.

All of those so-called friends.

You used me.

Abused me.

You left me for dead, thrashing

in the blood of your previous victims.

And now it is my turn.

See that cracked facade.

Look into that broken mirror,

And you will see exactly what I see.

Rapidly burning into extinction.

As I watch, smiling.

Alone in the dark, smirking,

Like the Cheshire cat.

Content in my loneliness

As you flame.

It is not hate, merely pity,

that causes me to watch you.

And then I know...

That it doesn't matter.

It never mattered.

I am free.

And you will never be.

-Tsukikage Kitsune

2008-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

I have to say my thanks to everybody who tells me they got my support through this little phase of mine. I seriously love you guys.

To Weilee, who has offered his shoulder for me to cry on even though you're touchaphobic.. It really means something. :)

Ping, and Sean, who kept me sane during the long night.

Oli, for the hugs and that nice rub when I couldn't sleep. Oh and for letting me use you as a bolster; I didn't even know I glomp-ed you.^_^

Furt, for letting me have Oli. Hehe.

Wesley, for letting me sing it out for a bit. I feel better after belting things out.

Sam and Marissa for the wonderfulllll bustlicious hugs.

Fiona Kim and Kaya for their hugs and animated funnies.

Ali and daddy Lucas for looking after me. I didn't ask u to not sleep you know. But it really made me feel special.

And for that I thank evryone. =] And TPJCG i love you all big and small. Thanks for respecting my privacy, some of you. Haha.

My family's still no different, and my heart's still dead; but at least I found a bit of light I can look up to. Funny how I didn't realise u guys were there all along, i must've been blind.

2008-09-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

WHY.

Why am i so afraid to stand alone?

Probably because I know I would crumble into tiny little pieces and nobody could pick them and put them together again.

2008-09-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm broke.

I am broke; broke, broken.

And now i feel like I should just hold on and not do anything at all bcos when I do try something somehow things go all haywire.

So I will hold on. And hope. Hope for the best.

And hope my heart can heal after getting itself ripped apart by many many loved ones in such a short time.

If this is a test; i'm probably doing a fine job failing it aren't I.

Damn this world, I want to die right now.

2008-09-12T22:16:00.000-07:00

How did we ever manage to get along the last time?

2008-09-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

It's from deviantart. Lovely piece. GHEI. WHOO YEA.

I might be a convert and end up like Eisha or Nina. Oh noes. But then again if you can't beat them join them; like what many people say. I'm lovin it.

In other news there has been no change in the hospital and no other major changes in this sick life i lead. Thank goodness nothing's been going worser.

I pray hard every day for forgiveness and for my health and also for my family's health. I pray for patience and also for myself to be strong so that i can overcome my obstacles. I pray that one day I will actually be HAPPY.

There's so much to pray for.

2008-09-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Will we have wings in the future?

2008-09-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Ya Allahu (I am a Muslim) - Yusuf Islam,Nasheed

It's in african. And I absolutely LOVE the melody and rhythm.

Ya Allah Ya Allah
Siyizisebezako Ya Allah
La ilaha illa 'Llah
Muhammadu 'r-rasulu 'Llah

(Zulu) Ngowokuqala i Muslim
i Qur'an Engiphila Ngayo
Ngiyaluzwa Lidumo Lwe Adhan
Lusihlanganisa Njengama Muslim

I am a Muslim
Qur'an is my guide
I hear the calling Adhan
With it we unite

Ukuqala Kosuku
Luka Allah Ziyaqhakaza
Zonke izinto Zika Allah
Ezijabulisayo

When Allah starts the day
And the night fades away
All things blossom
In a beautiful way

Sizoba Amagugu Ebusweni Bakhe
Uma Silandela Ukhanya Lwakhe
Kufanele Silandele iindlela Zaba Profethi
Sihlale Sijabule, La ilaha illa 'Llah

We are special only
If we follow His light
The way of Muhammad
Calling to Paradise

2008-09-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Beach Volleyball by ~Tonyr on deviant ART
hothothot.

2008-09-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

Ohmigod-- it's the 2nd of September. I almost forgot.

A time to remember an old friend; who I cared for deeply. For as long as time, we still remember the times we shared together with your sister and we both will miss you dearly.

From your twin sis Aisha and also from me, rest in peace Rizwan. It's been 11 years but we both still remember. I still got your lucky marbles. :]

2008-09-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

Dear God. Please save me from this hell.

im at my lowest of lows and downest of downs

and then just now i had a real-life-no-joke-im-not-kidding panic attack.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/panic_attacks/page3_em.htm

....some sufferers are not under any "fear" or any psychological illness but are under extreme amounts of stress and anxiety resulting in a panic attack -Wikipedia

i couldnt control what was happening to my body for one whole looong hour and its very scary because i thought i was going to die.

i acted as usual at dance session. it was too overwhelming. also partly because i was tired and hungry. i wished i could tell someone, just ask anybody to accompany me home just for tonight. because i didnt feel..... i didnt feel very correct just now. but i know everyone's very tired too. i didnt want to spoil anybody's fun. troubling people to send me home would have definitely ruined things again.

anyways i started trembling on the bus. and then sweating. the bus was air conditioned and i was sweating. what a joke huh. i rushed home, had a shower, cried in the shower and then tried to sleep. as i was on my bed uh, i suddenly felt like... kena hempap because i became breathless. but i could sit up and walk so i know there were no forces beyond my comprehension doing this. it was just my body trying to be funny. i had the fan blasting wind in my face cause i was sweating but it only made me even colder. i rolled myself up into a ball, wrapped the comforter around me and started rocking to and fro on my bed. hurhur. i felt like a drug addict on cold turkey....

the next thing i know, its midnight already.

all the palpitations and sweating and rocking must have concussed me bad.

still feeling down. still feeling low. haiz.. but life has to go on lah....

2008-09-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

A few days back I put up a video of where the hell is Matt?:

Anybody got any idea where to get the song? It's stuck in my head. :S

2008-08-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

2008-08-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Naqiyah; I'm now obsessed with Vampires and mythical creatures again.

Juuust because she made me read Twilight. It's a pretty good book, plus I heard the movie's coming out soon.

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I spent an hour at Kino trying to find the book. I hate my sense of direction.

But I'm not interested in the movie. I am SO gonna buy the books when I get my pay. IF i get my pay. Soon. Soon soon soon. Soooooon. Aaaaaaaalll four books.

Yeehaw.

And I'm getting even lower and lower. My mood, I mean. It's hard to communicate when you feel equally hopeless and sad.

Ayun. You need to get a grip. *slaps face* Wake up and smell the fresh frog. It's there, you just need to reach out and just touch.

I'm missing someone real terribly now; and there's nothing I can do about it. I just got to hide it behind all this 'laughter' and 'smiles'.

Gosh, how much I miss you.

Oh, and on a side note; Wall-e was awesome. Great graphics, beautiful sound and sound effects and I especially love the character design. Whooooooeeeee. Naq loves it too. And Gurmit Singh was at the movie theater too. And after that; there was this man who looked like Jason Mraz smiling at us at the MRT station. haha.

2008-08-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

2008-08-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

Somebody help my soul now. Help our souls.

2008-08-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

well well well. Browsing wikipedia and you're sure to find interesting stuff.

I never knew William Shakespeare was so awesome.

2008-08-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

Insisting cousins kept telling me to. So here it is.

Ahem.

YELLOH THESE ARE MY BEEYOOOOTEEEEEFURL COUSHINS FROM SWEETZEHRLAHND. HOW ARE YOU GUYS OUT THAR.

Ugh. Okay over. End of message.

Happy now; kak? grrr.

2008-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

I want to watch the lion king. Anybody got it can lend meee? o_o

2008-08-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

prettyful.

2008-08-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

2008-08-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

2008-08-24T00:10:00.000-07:00

2008-08-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

Me and Izzy had a nice looong chat about men. Haha.

And about him mostly. The more we chatted the more we realise things about him that we never noticed before. And the more I begin to feel regret for never getting things done right all the while. All sorts of things.

But then; what's done is done. Too late to go back now, huh? I guess now its all up to him. Because I'm just left hanging here waiting.

Went to Kino with Rino today. Haha. Kino Rino. Rinokuniya. LOL. Sounds retarded.
OKay; so i had to get my mind off things; so why not? splurge on a book or two. won't hurt.

Flight volume 5 was okay; but I still prefer the 2nd volume; because it had better artistes. I think i was preoccupied for a bit; after that i went all sad again.

Hurhur. II should get to sleep now. It's 1.30am already and I need to wake up early for SIP.

I HATE you PMS. YOU made me overreact. But what to do when it's natural for girls to PMS? Sigh.

2008-08-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

Hey. Why not talk to me? Hmm?

It doesn't fuckin hurt what.

2008-08-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have to say, life would be a hell lotta more boring without you to spruce things up. I'm sure of it.

And I will never give up anything in this world for this life I am living right now.

2008-08-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

It was acute low blood pressure, malnutrition, too much blood lost at once and accumulated stress. My body just went into shock for a period of time because it couldn't take it. At least that's the verdict after the little extensive examination at the hospital yesterday night.

I'm lucky it wasn't anything serious; because there were symptoms of the first stage. My mum was especially freaking out and kept insisting on that MRI scan before anything else. I guess the brain scan wasn't too bad. A pretty cool experience if you ask me. Very white room. I felt like some zoo exhibit though. Very cold.

Frequent headaches, recent fever, dizzyness, throbbing head; and fainting spells. That's most of what I have been experiencing lately.

All because I haven't been taking care of my body. Doc even gave me protein powder to take in for this whole week to help me out a lil.
SIIIGH.

So from now on I shall start reading up on healthy eating and healthy lifestyles.

Another note:

I LOVE TPJCG TO DEATH. People there are awesome and fun people; and I would really be at a loss if we ever disbanded or suddenly leave. It would be a pretty huge issue to me if ever it happens. And IF; and i say IF. TPJCG were ever to disband; I think I know many people in the club who would fight ferociously to keep it alive. I guess me included. That incident on Monday made me realise that.

And all in all, that was a seriously bad joke; and though I do guess it was meant to be funny in the end; I really felt like it was an inappropriate moment to be doing such a thing.

Monday was liek the worsest day ever in my life. Very painful. From 12 am till 12 midnight. Only an hour of sleep; and that was my only moment of peace for that day. After that was problem after problem after problem; and the irritant throb in my abdomen does not help at all throughout the day.

The realy bad day was really bad and that joke was my last straw for the day. I guess I blew up, got too emotional partially because of my PMS partially because of the bad day and also partially because of the relief I feel in the end when someone said it was a joke. That relief I felt turned to anger for letting my heart get into that roller coaster ride. =.= So i blew it.

I cried long and hard that night; I remember. Slept in the living room because I got kicked out of my room after being called an 'eyesore'.

And now I have a crick in my neck because I didn't sleep that comfortably. Haha. Ow.

2008-08-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

Again, COSFEST 2008 PART 2.

So here we go; the less glamorous photos taken from cosfest 2008.

WARNING: Massive pictures ahead.

Ooh ooh. Me performed onstage.
And here's me with Fizz. I dressed as a random white-haired girl, because I couldn't make up my mind on who to cosplay. Sad, huh. Fizz cosplayed a pretty good Kyoraku.
My character on the anime I voiced.
Yuki from JCG performed onstage too! Good for you Yuki!!
Fizz again. He's not too shabby ;]

TPJCG OEI!
Ahem-ahem. ;]]]

Two sexy beasts~
Me and a bird named Elizabeth.
JCG.

Squall.
Byakuya.
Li Syaoran. Nice one.
And this pretty sexy girl was skating around the cosfest. Don't know who she's cosplaying as though.
Don't know this one either, but pretty nonetheless.

Yeah. And a performance vid. >_<

2008-08-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

COSFEST part 1.

The nicer shots. I be putting them up first, before I go ahead and put up my crappy face from cosfest. Oh and the other half will contain the JCG peeps.

Warning: large upcoming posts.

I will be putting up lotsa pictures to make up for the past few weeks.
Yeah.

So first: COSFEST 2008 PART 1; because my com couldn't handle uploading too much pictures at once.
Emilyyyyy

Mr Gundam
A cute cosplayer.
Some guy named faust..?
Er, they switched heads..
And some Jedi action!
And Mr. Ironman was there too; complete with a SWAT team.

2008-08-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

2008-07-05T03:27:00.000-07:00

I'm quitting my work.

No more. I don't want to do too many things at once. Even though there's so many things I can do and so many who wants me to do them, I will hold back and do everything at a slow pace.

Maybe that way I can make more people happy.

Yeah.

The cosfest was okay. But my heart wasn't in it. So whatever.

I left early hoping I might have time to do other stuff but yeah nothing happened.

Its a day. I'll post pics soon.

2008-07-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

While I just sat there crying.

You stayed with me the whole time.

You never hung up.

Thank you. I still love you.

2008-07-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

Chaaarlie. Let's go to candy mountain!

2008-07-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

I think I only blog when I'm moody.

Like emo.

So here I go.

Emo. Emo Emo. Emo Emo Emo.

Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo Emo.

Okay I think that's enough.

Will update with pictures soon. Whatever happened the past few days. Yeah.

I am Khai. I have taken over. Give me time to adjust. Hello darling Nina.

Must adjust as soon as possible. Yeah.

Oh and I think this whole block would be kinda fun. If I think it that way.

And I quit my part time work.
Yeah.

2008-06-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

Its an awesome video. Love it.

2008-06-23T10:16:00.000-07:00

Let's see how i'd fare for today.